Art Mama
Two worlds merged into one. This is the life of an artist and mama. An “artistmama”.
When I unconsciously started this project at the beginning of the pandemic, I had no clear vision of what it would bring me. As a human being and as a mother, I always strive to be the best version of myself while embracing my flaws and imperfections and learning from them as I go. So when the world literally turned upside down and I, like many others, spent my days at home with my kids, I was triggered to take a closer look at myself. To dive deeper into the unknown and rediscover my true self.
The days that followed were primarily filled with feeding, changing diapers and caring for my two children. I rediscovered my role as a mother as well as myself.
It was during this time that I was suddenly confronted with an indescribable loss that came with the sudden passing of my dear aunt. My aunt has always been like a mother to me. She saw who I truly was. She was my rock. The bond that we shared was unbreakable. I think the fact that she never had any children of her own might have contributed to that. Even though she is no longer physically here, I still feel that bond whenever I see a butterfly take flight. The relationship I shared with my aunt has been of great influence in my role as a mother. The love and rollercoaster of emotions are molded from the memories I have shared with her.
As I searched for ways to deal with my grief, I suddenly was admitted to the ICU. Double pneumonia and a sepsis forced me to let go of the life I was so desperately trying to hold together. The emotional toll was worse than I could have anticipated. Visions of leaving my loved ones behind and being unable to watch my boys grow into their own person clouded my thoughts. Looking back, it was a period of healing and growth and happened right when I needed it most.
Since becoming a mother I see and feel things differently. It is an experience I couldn’t have prepared for beforehand. Motherhood has awakened a force that encouraged me to take a closer look at traumas and life’s circumstances that I was incapable of facing before.
I needed to work through them in order to break the cycle and create a solid ground for my two boys. Looking back on life’s lessons, I realize even more that happiness can be found right in front of you. These days I tend to find it in day-to-day life with my family. Watching my boys grow into their own person. Such different personalities yet both just perfect the way they are. How lucky am I to be able to experience this spectacle as it unfolds right in front of me?!
As a professional photographer and mother, I combine life as an artist with motherhood. Over the course of the past 6 years, I have carefully documented our life’s emotions as they came.
Birth, new life and grief all seemed to have gotten a new dimension during the pandemic and the months that followed. A task I dreaded for far too long but needed to go through in order to rediscover myself. To shake off all the old layers in order to redeem my true self. It was during this process that I felt closer to myself than ever before.
I used to spend most of my time capturing families in their natural habitat. Now I focused on my own environment with my own two children taking center stage.
It has truly been a healing journey on so many levels. If there's one thing I have learned it is that life is unpredictable, chaotic and above all a trip only you can take. But the thought that you are not alone, that everyone experiences the same process, that we are all in this together, can make this ride so much more bearable.
With these images, I let my feelings and emotions do the talking and I hope that by showing my most vulnerable and intimate work to date, that other mothers will find solace and recognition. Art breaks barriers and with these images I want to diminish the taboos and misconceptions that motherhood and loneliness can’t coexist at the same time. Because so many of us know it often does.
And so the diary of an “artistmama” emerged. Documented images of my own two children captured in a way that was true to them as well as myself.
Through the eyes of a mother. With all its wonderful raw edges that were captured along the way.
